Dad has 3 must-haves in his life. They are his personal spoon, cold cereal, and his ID. No matter what happens each day, as long as he can find his spoon, ID, and eat cereal, all's well with the world.
I don't know how he latched on to the spoon, but it happened well before Mom and Dad came to NH. On the night they arrived we fed them an evening snack, and the first thing he asked for was his spoon. Mom looked everywhere for it (well everywhere reasonable), but couldn't find it, so Dad had to make do with one of our spoons. As I understand it, he used to use this spoon for cereal, then it eventually became his spoon for all meals. There's nothing particularly special about it. It's made of either flexible stainless or aluminum, and looks like one of those utilitarian things you'd find at a sidewalk ramen place in Taiwan. Very good for scooping up soup, stew, chili, or yes, cereal. A call to my sister Marian confirmed they had a backup copy of this spoon, so all we had to do was wait for it to arrive in the mail. In the meantime Dad kept thinking it was in his pocket, or in the dishwasher. It finally arrived, along with a few of his trusty cereal bowls, and all was well.
Until we lost it. See, Dad has a way of sticking the spoon into his pocket for safekeeping immediately after using it. Most of the time Mom is quick enough to grab it and insist on washing it and sticking it in the drainer, where he will inevitably nab it and stick it in his pocket. For the next few days we searched, asking ourselves, where it could have been. Finally a week later we found it in the pocket of his fleece vest. Apparently he stopped wearing it during a warm spell, but not before he stashed the spoon in his pocket. After that we insisted on keeping the spoon in a special drawer right next to the breakfast table, where Dad could put it away after washing and get it for himself before meals. It's fascinating how he is unable to remember how to put on his sandals, yet, he is able to hunt for his spoon with purpose and put it away in its own drawer. Last week while Mom was at choir practice, he was watching TV when suddenly he got very restless, and said, "I need to go downstairs." Now naturally I thought he wanted to eat dinner again, or eat cereal (more on that later), so I said, "No dad, dinner is over, you ate dinner already." He sat back down for a while, every once in a while leaning over and saying in this very confiding tone,"You know, I know how to get ready in the morning, I know how to prepare breakfast on Sundays." I'm like, "Really Dad? Huh." And he said, "Yes, I do! I know how to get everything ready before going to church." Then suddenly he stood up again, saying,"Ok, I need to go downstairs. Now I figure what's the harm? If he wants to go downstairs let him. He picks up his water bottle on the way down, heads for the kitchen, and says, "Hmmm, is it time for cereal?" And I say, "No dad, that's tomorrow morning." Long story short, he goes back up, only to head down a second time, and start looking for his spoon. He finds it in the dish drainer, and says, "Oh yes, this is what I was looking for!" and puts it away in its drawer. This weekend Mom and Dad were sitting in front of the computer waiting to skype with church friends, and every 10 minutes or so, Dad would open the drawer to check that the spoon was still there. After a while it was just too funny, and Mike and I started chuckling. He really loves that spoon!
Another must-have is cold cereal. Dad picked up the habit of having cereal for breakfast when he was a grad student in England. Every single morning of my childhood I remember eating some combination of Kellog's corn flakes, Cheerios, Life, and once it started coming out, a sprinkling of 100% Natural, which today we would call granola. I don't think he has ever deviated from that, except when traveling in Taiwan, where breakfast is rice porridge with condiments. In the last couple of years he has stuck to the 3 favorites: cornflakes, Cheerios, and TJ Almond Vanilla Crunch. It doesn't matter what else we give him for breakfast, but he doesn't feel like he's eaten until he's had his cereal.
This would be fine, except lately he's wanted to eat cereal all the time. As soon as he's hungry, he'll say, "I think it's time to eat. I'll get the cereal," or "I'd really like some cereal now." And every time Mom will say in that half-exasperated tone, "Cereal?? It's in the middle of the afternoon, there's no cereal right now! Here, if you're hungry, you can have a snack." Of something else. One night for some reason he really got fixated on the cereal, and every 15 minutes or so, he say to Mom, "Isn't it time to eat cereal?" Finally he said in this cajoling tone, "When can I have cereal? It's so good, I really like cereal." And Mom and I just started cracking up, before we gave him a snack.
Dad's former neurologist told Mom to take away the cereal months ago, saying that the processed carbs and sugar were part of what was causing the Alzheimers. Mom tried to feed him oatmeal instead but Dad was really insistent on the cereal. When they came to NH she told me what the neurologist said, and I told her at this point it was already too late. Taking away this one thing from Dad's diet was not going to reverse or even slow down the progression of his dementia. Even assuming this idea was anything more than one of 100 theories I've heard as to the cause of Alzheimers, he would've had to make the change decades ago, . So we have stuck to the cereal, and Dad is happy.
Finally, his ID. Actually it's his wallet, but it's got all of his ID and medical cards in it. When he gets dressed in the morning he needs his pen in his breast pocket, and his ID in his pants pocket. The upside to this is we know he ALWAYS has it, because in the last few months we have been asked to show multiple forms of ID many times. There really isn't any downside, except that he is about to start daycare, and the director asked us not to let him bring money or valuables into the facility. This poses a dilemma for Mom, until I suggested that we should let him keep the wallet, but take out everything except for his senior ID car the night before while he's asleep. Dad has this thing about showing his ID to people. He's told Mom that this is identity so he has to have it all the time. I wonder if that is a throwback to his distant past, but I'd say these days it's quite true.
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