Letter to the Kids

Dear Gift, Elfgirl and Sparky:

It has been 5 months since Amah and Akong came to live with us. In that time, on the surface, your lives have not changed. You still go to school, you go to your dance classes, you get to play during your gobs of free time, you attend your friends' birthday parties, and even get the occasional playdate. Life is about as normal as our family's normal can be. Once in a while, when you are feeling reflective, you acknowledge that, "We are very lucky."

But I see that underneath that every day surface, you feel that life has changed a lot. Whenever we talk about going on a trip, about doing a family outing, going out to eat, even going to church, things are not the same. Why? Because now we have to factor in how this is going to affect Akong, and to a lesser extent, Amah. Many times, this means that we will have to do an outing differently. Sometimes not even at all. And I know this is not easy for you to accept.

But I see more than that. I see you peeking out of your rooms when Akong has a bedtime tantrum. I hear you come down to see what the commotion is about when Amah and I are trying to get Akong to swallow his meds instead of spitting them back out into his glass, even though he just took them perfectly hours ago. I see you watching him when he eats his food in the most inexplicable way, sucking it down as if it's his last meal, and burping very loudly afterwards. Many dinners I've seen you watching him with that look, wondering what's going to happen next. These are not the behaviors of a normal person, and I know, that you know that.

Tonight Sparky, you asked me when Akong and Amah are going to find their house. When I told you they aren't going to have a house anymore, that they are living with us now, you said, "Oh, but I liked it when it was just the 5 of us." Yes, I agree. I loved it when it was just the 5 of us as well. I love it now that it's the 7 of us, but I know that you don't, and that is okay. Elfgirl, you've asked me when they are moving back to California, and when I said they can't because Amah really needs help taking care of Akong, you needed a very thorough explanation of why that was. Maybe if this conversation didn't happen at the end of the day when I was feeling rather tired, and not up to offering what you needed, I could have answered your questions more fully. Maybe one day I will.

Gift, you truly are a gift. Maybe this will change, but not once in these last 5 months have you complained about Amah and Akong being here. You have accepted them unconditionally, you have accepted Amah as your occasional caregiver without question, you are willing to help out Amah when she needs a hand. And now you want to use your Invention to help keep Akong out of trouble. I don't think you will ever know how much your loving, accepting attitude means to me and Daddy, but maybe one day it will be clear.

To all three of you, thank you for keeping an eye out for Akong, for warning us when he is about to get into trouble, to making all the many, many tiny changes to your habits so that something as ordinary as a meal out will not be derailed by one of Akong's quirks. Thank you for accepting, at least temporarily, our incomplete answers to your questions. We try to answer, but I know sometimes by the looks on your faces that our answers fall short of satisfactory.

Kids, Daddy and I don't know what lies ahead. We don't know how long Amah and Akong will live with us, or why they might leave, if and when they do. We only know what we will do today, this week, this month. We keep Akong and Amah with us because we love them very much, and we feel that they are much happier living here instead of being in a "house," somewhere.We didn't ask for your permission before we brought them here, we didn't ask for your opinion, we only told you it was going to happen. That's probably the way it works most of the time, but I understand if you sometimes feel like life is unfair because you had no say.  I hope someday, you will also perceive some benefit out of this. That one day you will be glad that Amah is here to help us all out, that there's even something positive about Akong living with us.

Love you so much,
Mommy