This morning I read a most beautiful FB post by my sister Eileen, reflecting on how, in spite of how awful 2016 seems to have been, there is still so much to be thankful for. To that end, I post my own reflections.
Some might say, that 2016 was the hardest year for all of us, but especially Mom and Dad. True, Dad experienced a severe decline during the two weeks that we were away, a decline that was the harbinger of things to come. He spent a month in the Geropsyche unit, during which I saw behaviors that I had never seen in him before. It was the year that we came face to face with the reality that Dad could no longer live at home. We just couldn't give him the care he needed round the clock. We had to put him in a nursing facility, something we thought we could avoid, if not forever, for a very long time. It was the year I got pneumonia for the first time ever, knocking me out of commission during what is usually the busiest week of the school year for me. First I was sick from germs, then I was sick from the meds. For the first time I understood how sometimes the cure can be almost more painful than the illness. Yes, from one persepctive 2016 was a banner year, and not in a good way.
But if we turn the picture just a little, I can see that there is so, so much more to be thankful for. And here is where I am gonna name names, because I know some of these people read my blog, and they need to know how much they have meant to me and my family. To begin with, there is Bev H. Bev has enveloped Mom AND Dad in friendship since practically the day they came to NH. She called soon after they arrived, and offered her support. Being loathe to push herself forward, she offered from afar at first. But each Sunday that we saw her at church she would greet Mom and Dad warmly, and sit with them during coffee hour. When we went away and Dad went to respite care, she went to visit him every day and emailed me a report of all the doings. When Dad went to R Center she visited him there. Once Mom was essentially more "free," she invited her on outings to lunch. When Mom went away for a week, and I had to cover for her, Bev went to feed Dad dinner each day because I wasn't able to get there until the bedtime hour. In all of Mom's life (her words) she has never known such a generous, loving, GIVING friend. I'm her daughter, and we sorta hang out, but it has made an immense difference in her life here to have a real friend.
Then there are Eliza and Sean M. Eliza is a friend and fellow partner in ministry at church. One day she emailed and said, "Hey, we on the Children's ministry committee would like to bring dinner to you one week, so just let us know what week works best for you." I was floored, because I've brought dinner to people before, but they are usually very ill, have had surgery, a new baby, death in the family. And I felt a little weird getting dinner when nothing was wrong. Besides, most of the committee members have young kids and work fulltime. So I tried to refuse. Her response was, "your objection is duly noted, but it's going to happen." Well soon the opportunity presented itself when I got laid up with pneumonia. The first day Sean showed up with a 3 course dinner for more than 6 people. It was the bomb, it was so amazing. Then a young lady whom I did not recognize but turned out to be one of the youth Sunday School teachers came with dinner. I also want to thank Chrisann D., and Marie R., because they showed up with dinner as well, and I was so moved because I know how incredibly busy their lives are. Marie R. I want to send particular hugs to because she is a fellow daughter of someone with Alzheimer's. Just texting back and forth some of the wacky, frustrating things our parents do has helped me feel less like we're the only family that has fallen down the rabbit hole.
Separately, there's Cheryl B., Eliza, and Traci C., and Cher B., women I'm starting to consider girlfriends, and I haven't had girlfriends since my single days! These women get that my life is more than just Mom and Dad. I have 3 daughters whom I love dearly, but sometimes want to strangle on a daily basis. They listen to my rants without judgement, offering only commiseration and support, laughter, and the total, "I get it. Truly." Without them my life would be sparser indeed.
This reflection would not be complete without a huge shout out and thank you to all the folks at Bedford Presbyterian Church. From the ladies in handbell choir, our fearless director Barb F. to my wonderful pastors Karen and John. They have visited with Dad, prayed with him, sung to him. All of this makes a huge difference, not only to Dad but to Mom as well. People at church ask after Dad, ask me how Mom is doing. Whenever I go, I know that people CARE. They really do.
Pastor John likes to say, "Church is better every Sunday when y'all are here." To my friends and family, my community, our lives are better this year because y'all are here. Here with us. Merry Christmas.
12:11 am. 12/25/2016.
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