In Him There is No Darkness At All

In about one month Dad's 6 month term in hospice care will be up for review. At that time his medical team will decide whether he has been stable enough that he can be weaned off hospice, or whether his decline (which has been incremental) is enough that he will be given another term. It is ironic, but due to Mom's diligent care with feeding and staying on top of the staff at R center, he is doing very well. His weight has not decreased by much, he continues to eat with great appetite, even when he seems to be sleeping, and his color looks pretty good. 

I often wonder how caregivers feel about taking such good care of their loved ones with late state Dementia that it actually prolongs their life. On the one hand, if I were to ask Mom about this, she would indignantly (and probably rightfully) reply, "Well, do you think I should take care of him badly??" On the other hand, it makes the long goodbye even longer. Dad has been very talkative lately, but nothing he says is intelligible, and as I mentioned, he is so determinedly sleepy he sometimes literally snores between bites. Meanwhile, Mom's resources are getting to the point where beginning the process to apply for Medicaid is prudent. 

As I sit and write this, our country is in the middle of an uproar. President Trump's executive order to ban all refugees and immigrants from entering the US has left many, MANY travelers stranded. Whether in US airports where they are being detained, or deported back to their country of origin, even though they hold legal visas and green cards, they are suddenly, officially, unwelcome. I wondered what Dad would say and do were he in his original mind. He has always spoken up in public and forceful tones about equal rights, self-determination, and all the values written in our Constitution. I'm sure he would be LIVID right about now, and on the phone with his colleagues about whether PC(USA) (his and our church denomination) is clear about standing with the ones who need it. He would probably write a letter AND an email to the president. Dad would remind him that he claimed to be Presbyterian, and state that the mission of PC(USA) includes welcoming refugees and immigrants, so he should keep that in mind when issuing executive orders. It would be a VERY long letter, about how un-American, not to mention un-Christian this executive order is, and appeal to his sense of decency. It would not occur to Dad that the president has none, because in his mind everyone is created in the image of God, and therefore should be given the benefit of the doubt. 

But Dad is not in his original mind, he rests at R center, completely unaware that his second home country is roiling with discord. He is missing out. And so it was that I sat in church this morning, saddened by the fact that he is lost to this world that could have used him and his efforts.

Sometimes I think God meets us by using the people around us to put signs into place. Today's sermon text was Micah 6:1-8, and the choir anthem was, "I Want to Walk as a Child of the Light." Now if you are not familiar with this hymn, I encourage you to look it up, because it is truly a light for these troubled times, for anyone who asks, "What am I supposed to do??" I personally, can never get through it without breaking down, because each time some part of it pierces me deep. But today a different verse spoke to me. 

I’m looking for the coming of Christ;

I want to be with Jesus.

When we have run with patience the race,

We shall know the joy of Jesus.

In him there is no darkness at all;

The night and the day are both alike.

The Lamb is the light of the city of God;

Shine in my heart, Lord Jesus.

As I sat there and sang these words, I realized this is where Dad

is headed. Deep in the recesses of his fading mind, he has 
always known this, and it's the one thing he hasn't forgotten.  
No matter how crazy the world gets, even the machinations of 
bad world leaders can't change the fact that we are all marching 
toward this light, if only we can see it. And what about me, 
my family, those around us, the ones who will be left, what do 
we do? We continue the work of those who have gone before 
us, knowing that we too, will one day get there.